She thought she was broken. Her friends questioned if it was even real. Then everything clicked.
For three decades, Emma Flint lived with a secret she couldn’t explain — even to herself.
One month she was certain she was a lesbian. A few weeks later, her attractions had shifted toward men. Then came periods where sexual attraction seemed to disappear completely.
She wasn’t confused because she couldn’t “make up her mind.” Her sexuality was genuinely fluid — and no label she knew in the 90s or 2000s could describe it.
Until she discovered one word that changed everything: abrosexual.
The 30-Year Journey That Left Her Feeling “Lost at Sea”
Emma Flint, now 32 and a freelancer from Staffordshire, England, grew up in a world where sexual orientation was presented as simple and fixed: straight, gay, or lesbian. Anything else was often dismissed as “made up” or a phase.
She spent years trying to force herself into boxes that never quite fit.
“I felt lost, as if out at sea. I also felt like a fraud because of how much I changed my identity when chatting with loved ones.” — Emma Flint
She would tell people she was a lesbian, only to later feel drawn to men and wonder if she was bisexual instead. Then attraction would fade again. Each shift brought fresh self-doubt and the exhausting cycle of explaining herself — or staying silent.
“It wasn’t that I couldn’t make my mind up,” she explained, “but rather my identity shifted. One day I felt like I was a lesbian, yet days or weeks later, I’d feel more aligned with bisexuality. My sexuality was fluid.”
For years she carried the heavy feeling that something was wrong with her.
The Lightbulb Moment: Discovering “Abrosexual”
Everything changed when Emma came across the term abrosexual in an online space (shared by LGBTQ+ creator Zoe Stoller).
The word described exactly what she had been experiencing for 30 years.
“Finally,” she wrote, “I felt seen.”
For the first time, her experience had a name — and it wasn’t “broken,” “confused,” or “attention-seeking.” It was simply abrosexual.
What Does “Abrosexual” Actually Mean?
Abrosexuality is a form of sexual fluidity. Unlike labels that describe attraction to specific genders (lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, etc.), abrosexuality focuses on the shifting nature of attraction itself.
According to health resources and community definitions:
- Attraction can change frequently — sometimes day to day, sometimes over weeks or months.
- Someone might feel exclusively attracted to one gender for a period, then all genders, then experience little to no sexual attraction (similar to asexual periods).
- The shifts are not chosen or “trendy” — they are a core part of how some people experience sexuality.
Common patterns include:
- Waking up one week feeling strongly lesbian, then finding attraction has moved toward men or non-binary people.
- Going through months of strong attraction followed by periods of little to no sexual desire.
- Long-term evolution — identifying one way for years before the pattern changes.
Emma emphasizes an important point:
“I love the person, rather than their gender, so it doesn’t matter if my sexuality fluctuates while I’m with them.”
The Painful Reactions When She Came Out
Coming out as abrosexual wasn’t met with universal support.
Some friends responded with confusion and dismissal:
“When did you decide this? Is this even a label? I’ve never heard of it. I support you, obviously, but this doesn’t sound real.”
Others demanded she “pick a lane” so her identity wouldn’t make them uncomfortable.
Emma has been open about the fact that some of those friendships ended. The comments hurt — but they also clarified who truly accepted her.
She now says she’s no longer nervous about her feelings and refuses to shrink her truth to make others comfortable.
Why This Story Matters
Emma’s experience highlights something many people quietly struggle with: the pain of not having language for your own reality.
When society only offers a handful of rigid labels, people whose attractions shift can spend years feeling broken, fraudulent, or alone.
Her message is powerful and hopeful:
“We’re all learning new things about ourselves all the time — that’s what growth and development is about. Eventually, I hope that abrosexuality will be seen as normal, just another identity that someone might have, and not regarded as a way to be ‘on trend.’”
She wants people to understand that not knowing or understanding an identity doesn’t make it any less real or authentic.
You Are Not Alone If This Resonates
If Emma’s story feels familiar — if your attractions have shifted over time in ways you couldn’t explain, or if you’ve ever felt like a fraud for changing how you describe yourself — you are not broken.
Language is powerful. Finding the right words can turn years of confusion into clarity and self-compassion.
Emma spent 30 years feeling lost at sea. One word brought her home to herself.
What are your thoughts on fluid identities and the importance of visibility?
Have you or someone you love experienced shifting attractions? Share your perspective in the comments — respectful conversation helps more people feel seen.
If this story moved you, please share it. Someone out there might be waiting for the exact words Emma finally found.